Lukewarm

I recognize it won’t amuse Him, but I still do it. My truth is what I am living. I mean, He encourages us to enjoy our youth, or did I manipulate the verse to fit the context that I prefer?

I adore Him. He knows I went to church yesterday; donated cash to the children’s hospital. I mean, we are good?

Right?

No offence, but that young woman over there has bad vibes. “I just can’t with her attitude.” I prefer not to be judged, but I just judged someone else. 
What a hypocrite! Anyhow, yesterday I prayed, informed my buddies to avert from swearing around me. I read my Bible three times a week. I have killed no one or stolen from anyone. I perceive we are “good” God.

I even joined the church band and I will lead the fellowship in the week. Perhaps I should prep for it, but wait! I have dinner later… Let me say a quick prayer. God, cover me. Do your thing. I’m out! See you later!

I keep speculating about why I am having recognition issues, why so many panic attacks? I am playing for both parties, I’ve got this! I am sharp!

To be a better person, I need to embrace a team because I am exhausted. I have nothing to offer Him, so why does He pay attention to me? I am not “good.” I am struggling with my integrity. I am disputing with my thoughts.